How to Walk Individuals Through the Forgiveness Process

Forgiveness is one of the hardest steps in healing, but also one of the most freeing.

As leaders, we are called to gently guide others through this journey—not by rushing the process or offering quick fixes, but by asking good questions, listening with empathy, and creating space for the Holy Spirit to do the work only He can do. This resource offers practical steps and biblical wisdom to help you walk with others as they discover the freedom found in true forgiveness.

How to help someone walk through forgiveness

How to Walk Individuals through the Forgiveness Process

1. Ask good questions

Open-ended and conversational is key to asking good questions.
Open-ended questions aren’t yes or no questions.
Example- How does talking about forgiveness make you feel?

2. Listen intently

Body language should be relaxed and turned toward the individual you are listening to.
Reflect some of the statements made by the individual back to them.

3. Catch non-verbal cues

If an individual avoids answering the question asked, then it reveals something deeper about them.
Example- If I asked you where you wanted to take your next vacation, and you said you hadn’t even considered taking one. That reveals some things about you.

4. Approach with prayer

Prayer provides the avenue through which the Lord can give us insights to how to foster a healthy environment for life transformation. Remember, it’s the Holy Spirit doing the work through us.

5. Engage others when needed

You do not have to know the answer to every question you are asked while walking someone through forgiveness.
Openly admit you don’t know the answer and direct them to ask God what His truth is about a situation. Then trust Him to answer their
question.

6. Create space for the ministry receiver to talk to God in their own words

Be aware of your own prayer style and avoid being overly vocal about how someone should pray.
Do ask if they need help praying. It’s natural for someone to need help
getting started.

7. Practice healthy boundaries

Ministry receivers may feel strong feelings of gratitude towards you. Gratitude can sometimes turn into dependency or neediness.
Be sure to maintain appropriate emotional and physical boundaries
and give all glory and credit to God for the healing because He is the one who heals.
We only help facilitate the process by which they hear from the Lord
and forgive.

What is forgiveness?

What is Forgiveness?

1. Forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate choice to let go, whether the person being forgiven deserves to be forgiven or not.

2. Forgiveness is choosing to not carry the offense the other person
brought into a relationship.

3. Forgiveness gives permission to move beyond the offense into a new normal-not one that excuses or denies the reality of pain or loss, but one that refuses to be dictated or controlled by it.

4. Forgiveness is the process by which healing and growth in the heart of the person offering forgiveness starts.

5. Forgiveness does not excuse an offense or require one to invite the
person being forgiven back into one’s life.

Key points to remember about forgiveness

1. It can’t be rushed.

Forgiveness sometimes requires the opening of deep wounds that take time to process and heal.
It is best to approach discussions about forgiveness with understanding that everyone will work through forgiveness at their own pace. This is the healthy way.
The goal is to make room for the Holy Spirit to work in their heart.

2. It begins and ends with Jesus Christ.

Because of His love for us, we can extend the same love to others. 1 John 4:8 says, God is love.
One of the fruits of the Spirit is love and 1 John 4:8 says “Anyone who does not love, does not know God..” Thus in order for us to truly be able to say we love God we have to be willing to extend others love.
It is because of Him we are able to love and forgive.

3. Confessing our sin is an important part to forgiveness.

When we’ve held an offense against someone, it is likely we’ve carried a level of bitterness, anger, or other negative traits. While feeling these initial negative emotions isn’t a sin, carrying them past the point of them bringing us to awareness that something is wrong can cause us to treat people in unloving ways.
James 5:16 encourages us to confess our sins to find healing because confession weakens sins’ power to control us. It also helps us build community with someone who can help strengthen our faith on this forgiveness journey.
Encourage the ministry receiver to acknowledge the offense they experienced, that it hurt them, and any negative emotions they may be feeling. Have them list the negative emotions out loud. This brings awareness to their emotions and helps call the darkness into light.

4. Sharing a testimony about what God has healed us from can be prophetic and encourage someone else to begin their own forgiveness journey.

5. It’s a process that often includes grief.

There are several stages to grief including: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
Those seeking to forgive may encounter each of the stages of grief and in random order. They may only experience a few or one of the stages. Remain open to any response you may receive as someone walks through the forgiveness process.

6. Encourage the one offering forgiveness with scripture.

Some recommendations are: i. Joshua 1:7-9, Romans 15:13, Psalm 32, Psalm 107:19-20, Romans 8:37-39, Matthew 6:12, Matthew 6:14-15, Mark 11:25, Colossians 1:13-14, Hebrews 12:15, 2 Corinthians 2:10-11, 1 John 2:11, John 14:17, John 14:26, 1 Peter 5:5, James 1:21, Ephesians 4:31-32

Do these things during discussions

During discussions with the Ministry Receiver:

1. Encourage them to have a notebook handy to write down any impressions they may receive from the Lord through the Holy Spirit.

2. Avoid using shaming language such as suggesting how they should’ve handled the situation when it happened. Our job is to encourage them to encounter the presence of the Lord and find out what His truth is about their forgiveness process.

3. Encourage them to pause and talk to the Lord about the feelings they experience.

4. Encourage them to ask the Lord what His truth is about their feelings and experiences. It is important to remind ministry receivers to thank God for showing them the truth about their heart and hurt.

5. Encourage the ministry receiver to ask God to renew their mind.

Romans 12:2

6. Encourage the ministry receiver they can pray with faith and choose to forgive, even if they don’t feel like it. Faith is the catalyst to the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives.

7. Ask the ministry receiver to make a list of those the Lord brings to their mind that they need to forgive.

Guide the ministry receiver to being to pray, “God today I choose to forgive (Insert person’s name, even if it’s themselves) for (list reasons).
If emotions begin to surface, remind the ministry receiver forgiveness is a choice of faith, and their emotions are normal but do not hold power over the ability to forgive.
Guide the ministry receiver to pray a blessing over those they forgave: “God, today I choose to bless (Insert person’s name). I choose to honor (insert person’s name).
Repeat for each person on the list.

8. Remind the ministry receiver forgiveness does not always mean they must allow the person who hurt them back into their life. This could be an unhealthy or unsafe choice, so it is important to ensure they understand healthy boundaries.

Consider if what you’ve heard requires mandated reporting. Be sure to check your local government’s laws on mandated reporting.

9. Hatred and forgiveness can’t coexist.

1 John 2:11
If the ministry receiver continues to walk in hatred, they will eventually not be able to clearly hear the voice of the Lord because they are blinded to His voice and path by the hatred in their heart.

10. At any point during conversations, the ministry receiver may be triggered by what comes to the surface and experience strong or suppressed emotions.

Encourage them to ask the Lord what He wants them to know about what they're feeling.
Encourage them to wait on the Lord and not rush the process. The Lord is the one doing the work in their life.

11. Encourage them showing Mercy imitates the heart of God.

Mercy is extending compassion or forgiveness toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.
Matthew 18:21-35 discusses what happens when we don’t forgive.
Other Scriptures on Mercy: Lamentations 3:22-23, James 2:13, Matthew 5:7, James 3:17, Proverbs 3:27, Luke 6:35-36

12. Encourage them to pray and ask God to fill them with fruits of the Spirit.

Galatians 5:22-23